Don’t ever float down the river sideways with your downstream oar danglin’. Put those suckers up under your knees so you don’t pole vault the boat or take an oar handle to the grill when that thing snags bottom.


Buy a damn stomach pump! How can you know what they’re eating unless you stick a small turkey baster down their gullet, and extract all the contents of their stomach. I mean jeez y’all, duh.


If the fish ain’t bitin’, Hot Randy says, “Feed’em some of that teeny tiny midge candy, because if the fish are a fussin’, you gotta just downsize your stuffin’.”

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